Jokes from Readers Digest.

Yesterday, a guy came up to me at work and said, “How are you ever going to get a job with all those piercings?”
I’ll say that again. A guy came up to me… at work… and asked, “How are you ever going to get a job with all those piercings?”


When I attended an interview for a job six months after my 70th birthday, I was asked my age.
With nothing to hide, I replied “I’m halfway to my 71st birthday.”
The interviewer looked skeptical, “No offence,” he said, “but you look older than 35.”


Comments bosses made to employees during their salary reviews:

  • I’ve got great news. You managed to avoid a salary decrease.
  • Before you came to my department, you were such a shining star, full of new ideas and enthusiasm. What happened to you?

I was kicked out of a job interview at a clothing store for “not dressing appropriately.” I had purchased my outfit from the same store just two days earlier.


PHP program to print nth number of Fibonacci Series.

Fibonacci Series: 0 1 1 2 3 5 8 13 21 …

Here are 2 PHP programs to print nth number of Fibonacci Series:

Iterative Program to find nth number of Fibonacci Series:

<?php

fibonacci(1);
fibonacci(2);
fibonacci(3);
fibonacci(4);
fibonacci(5);

function fibonacci($n) 
{
        $first_num = 0;
	$second_num = 1;

	if(1 == $n)
	{
		echo $first_num;
	}
	elseif(2 == $n)
	{
		echo $second_num;
	}
	else
	{
		$next_num = 0;
		for($i=1; $i<=$n-2; $i++)
		{
			$next_num = $first_num + $second_num;
			$first_num = $second_num;
			$second_num = $next_num;
		}
		echo $next_num;
	}
}

?>

Recursive Program to find nth number of Fibonacci Series:

<?php

echo fibonacci(1);
echo fibonacci(2);
echo fibonacci(3);
echo fibonacci(4);
echo fibonacci(5);

function fibonacci($n) 
{
        if(1 == $n)
	{
		$result = 0;
	}
	elseif(2 == $n)
	{
		$result = 1;
	}
	else
	{
		$result = fibonacci($n-1) + fibonacci($n-2);
	}
	return($result);
}

?>

USB Error: The device can perform faster.

Greetings,

I’ve been using USB wireless mouse for quite a long time now. The only disadvantage I thought was high battery consumption.

However lately, I am being irritated by a new problem of this wireless USB device.

Occasionally, while using my wireless mouse, a pop-up suddenly and randomly appears in the Windows Taskbar saying that ‘USB device can perform faster. High-speed USB device has been plugged into a Non-high-speed USB port.’

It becomes very irritating and annoying to see that pop-up again and again. Moreover it does not come alone. It is always accompanied by that weird sound to add to the annoyance.

I have still not been able to figure out as to why this error keeps coming up at random times even though both the USB device and USB port are compatible.

However there is a solution in Windows to at least disable and suppress that USB error from popping out every now and then.

Steps are:

  1. Go to ‘Device Manager’ and click on the plus icon near the title ‘Universal Serial Bus controllers’ to expand the options.
  2. Right click on any one ‘Standard Enhanced PCI to USB Host Controller’ and click ‘Properties’.
  3. Go to ‘Advanced’ tab and check the checkbox ‘Don’t tell me about USB errors.’

These steps would at least not show that annoying message again and again.

Regards!

WordPress: Change a theme appearance without touching core theme files.

Greetngs,

How many times we have felt an itch to modify or tweak the appearance of a WordPress theme such as twentythirteen by just changing something in the core theme file.

However a big disadvantage of directly editing a core theme file is, in case a theme is updated in future (which will likely be the case), all our changes will be lost.

Hence changes should be done using the concept of ‘Child Theme’ of WordPress. With a child theme, we can update the parent theme (which might be important for security or functionality) and still keep our changes.

Following are the steps to keep the top menu bar fixed on top and stop the menu bar from scrolling up in twentythirteen theme using the concept of Child Theme:

  1. In wp-content/themes directory, create a new directory by the name ‘twentythirteen-child’. (In case twentythirteen theme needs to be changed).
  2. Inside directory twentythirteen-child, create a file by the name of ‘style.css’.
  3. Add the following code to the newly created style.css:
  4. /*
     Theme Name:     Twenty Thirteen Child
     Theme URI:      http://knowledge-share.in/twenty-thirteen-child/
     Description:    Twenty Thirteen Child Theme
     Author:         Shafi Memon
     Author URI:     http://knowledge-share.in
     Template:       twentythirteen
     Version:        1.0.0
    */
    
    @import url("../twentythirteen/style.css");
    
    /* =Theme customization starts here
    -------------------------------------------------------------- */
    .navbar {
    	position: fixed;
    	top: 0;
    	z-index: 2;
    }
  5. Log in to site’s dashboard and go to Admin Panel -> Appearance -> Themes and activate ‘Twenty Thirteen Child’ theme.
  6. Go to Admin Panel -> Appearance -> Menus and check the checkbox ‘Navigation Menu’ to make sure that same menu bar is available which was set in the Parent twentythirteen theme. This is required because the menu bar of a parent theme (twentythirteen here) is not inherited in child theme (twentythirteen-child in this case) by default.

For further information on the concept of Child Themes of WordPress, refer http://codex.wordpress.org/Child_Themes

Regards!

Anagram List.

Anagram: A word, phrase, or sentence formed from another by rearranging its letters.

Here is a list of some nice and funny Anagram’s:

A decimal point = I’m a dot in place
A diet = I’d eat
A Gentleman = Elegant Man
A perfectionist = I often practice
A telescope = To see place
Achievements = Nice, save them
Admirer = Married
Anti-democratic = Dictator came in
Astronomers = Moon starers
Car has = A crash
Chemistry = Shit, me cry
Clothes pins = So let’s pinch
Coins kept = In pockets
Comfort is = Microsoft
Debit card = Bad credit
Dictionary = Indicatory
Disc = Is cd
Dormitory = Dirty room
Election results = Lies – let’s recount
Eleven plus two = Twelve plus one
Fingertips = Finest grip
Funeral = Real fun
Geologist = Go Get Oils
Goodbye = Obey god
Hot water = Worth tea
Intensive care = I can’t even rise
Intoxicate = Excitation
Ipod lover = Poor devil
Laxative = Exit lava
Listen = Silent
Madam Curie = Radium came
Meal for one = For me alone
Mother-in-law = Woman Hitler
My ideal time = Immediately
older and wiser = I learned words
Princess Diana = End is a car spin
Rome was not built in a day = Any labour I do wants time
Sweep the floor = Too few helpers
Television ads = Enslave idiots
The best things in life are free = Nail-biting refreshes the feet!
The cockroach = Cook, catch her
The Detectives = Detect Thieves
The eyes = They see
The Morse code = Here come dots
The Titanic disaster = Death, it starts in ice
Vacation Times = I’m Not as Active
Video game = Give a demo

For a complete list of Oxymorons, refer http://www.anagramlist.com

Witty and Funny Answers.

Q. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack!


Q. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
A. No time at all it is already built.


Q. Approximately how many birthdays does the average Japanese woman have?
A. Just one. All the others are anniversaries.


Q. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands.


Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand.


Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. He sleeps at night.


Q. Why it is impossible to send a telegram to Washington today?
A. Because he is dead.


Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become ?
A. It becomes wet.


Q. What often falls but never gets hurt?
A. Rain.


Q. What is that no man ever saw which never was but always will be?
A. Tomorrow.


Q. What looks like half apple?
A. The other half.


Q. What can you never eat for breakfast?
A. Dinner.


Q. What gets wet with drying?
A. A towel.


Q. What 3 letters change a girl into a woman?
A. Age.


Q. What happened when wheel was invented?
A. It caused a revolution.


Q. Why is it easy to weigh a fish?
A. Because it has its own scales.


Q. Why does a bike rest on its leg?
A. Because it is too tyred.


Q. Bay of bengal is in which state?
A. Liquid




Quotes and Proverbs on Friendship.

A friend is one of the nicest things you can have, and one of the best things you can be.


A single rose can be my garden… a single friend, my world.


Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty.


The antidote for fifty enemies is one friend.


A loyal friend laughs at your jokes when they’re not so good, and sympathizes with your problems when they’re not so bad.


The friend is the man who knows all about you, and still likes you.


If a friend is in trouble, don’t annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it.


The most I can do for my friend is simply be his friend.


A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down.


The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.


It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.


A friend is the only person you will let into the house when you are Turning Out Drawers.


A friend knows the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails.


You can always tell a real friend: when you’ve made a fool of yourself he doesn’t feel you’ve done a permanent job.


Friends are those rare people who ask how you are and then wait for the answer.


Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art…. It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.


Some people go to priests; others to poetry; I to my friends.


There are big ships and small ships. But the best ship of all is friendship.


A true friend is one who thinks you are a good egg even if you are half-cracked.


It is the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter.


A real friend is someone who would feel loss if you jumped on a train, or in front of one.


Silences make the real conversations between friends. Not the saying but the never needing to say is what counts.


True friends stab you in the front.


Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most.


We are keenly aware of the faults of our friends, but if they like us enough it doesn’t matter.


The best time to make friends is before you need them.


A friend can tell you things you don’t want to tell yourself.


The friend who holds your hand and says the wrong thing is made of dearer stuff than the one who stays away.


I value the friend who for me finds time on his calendar, but I cherish the friend who for me does not consult his calendar.


Friends are relatives you make for yourself.


I don’t need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better.


The essence of true friendship is to make allowance for another’s little lapses.


Short Stories.

OFFICE BOY:

A jobless man applied for the position of “office boy” at a very big firm. The HR manager interviewed him, then a test: clean the floor. “You are hired” he said, give me your email address, and I’ll send you the application to fill, as well as when you will start.

The man replied “I don’t have a computer, neither an email.” I’m sorry, said the HR manager, if you don’t have an email that means you do not exist. And who doesn’t exist, cannot have the job. The man left with no hope at all. He didn’t know what to do, with only $10 US in his pocket.

He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10 KG tomato crate. He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the operation 3 times, and returned home with $60 US. The man realized that he can survive by this way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late. Thus, his money doubles or triples every day. Shortly later, he bought a cart, then a truck, and then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles.

5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US. He started to plan his family’s future, and decided to have a life insurance. He called an insurance broker, and chooses a protection plan. When the conversation was concluded, the broker asked him his email. The man replied: “I don’t have an email.”

The broker replied curiously, you don’t have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Do you imagine what you could have been if you had an email? The man thought for a while, and replied: an office boy!