Category Archives: Catchy Quotes

Funny Quotes.

I want patience – AND I WANT IT NOW!

Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

I am not sincere, even when I say I am not.

It is always the best policy to speak the truth – unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar.

I used to not finish sentences, but now I.

If you can’t make it good, at least make it look good.

Lady who lives in glass house, dress in basement.

Why are there five syllables in ‘monosyllabic’?

It’s better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.

My father taught me to work; he did not teach me to love it.

Here’s to woman! Would that we could fall into her arms without falling into her hands.

If you are afraid of loneliness do not marry.

Forgive me now – tomorrow I may no longer feel guilty.

God heals, and the doctor takes the fee.

If there were no bad people, there would be no good lawyers.

The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

In marriage, as in war, it is permitted to take every advantage of the enemy.

The trouble with marriage is that, while every woman is at heart a mother, every man is at heart bachelor.

God gives us our relatives; thank God we can choose our friends.

The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

Funny Quotes.

First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering.

If you jogged backwards, would you gain weight?

A closed mouth gathers no foot.

Beat the 5’o clock rush, leave work at noon.

Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.

Go to heaven for the climate, hell for the company.

The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.

If practice makes perfect, and nobody’s perfect, why practice?

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

If people talk behind your back, what does it mean?
Simple! It means that you are two steps ahead of them!!!

If you talk to God, its prayer. If God talks to you, its schizophrenia (mental illness)!

Well, they do say opposites attract… so I sincerely hope that you meet somebody who is attractive, honest, intelligent and cultured…!!!

I’m modest and proud of it!

A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up to three thousand times the memory.

Few women admit their age.
Even fewer men act theirs.

Your future depends on your dreams – So go to sleep!

I only go to work on days that don’t end in a ‘y’.

Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.

I don’t have a license to kill. I have a learner’s permit.

Funny Quotes.

How do you define marriage? A very expensive way to get the laundry done.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I am not sure about the former.

If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

I fought the law and the law won.

God thought he can’t be everywhere, so he created mother.
Then, Devil thought he can’t be everywhere, so he created mother-in-law.

The secret of success is knowing whom to blame for your failure.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes!

Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.

WOMAN is the most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!

Every morning is the dawn of a new error.

I was born intelligent. Education ruined me.

If your father is a poor man, it’s your fate but, if your father-in-law is a poor man, it’s your stupidity.

In prison you spend the majority of time in an 8×10 cell.
At work you spend most of your time in a 6×8 cubicle (chamber).

All things come to him who waits – provided he knows what he is waiting for.

Always listen to your hubby. He gives sound advice: 99% Sound and 1% Advice.

Our marriage is made up of trust and understanding. She doesn’t trust me and I don’t understand her.

Do they use sterilized needles for lethal injections?

I plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

A man always had two reasons for what he does – a good one and the real one.

The glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time you fall, and demanding… “Waiter, one more peg please.”

Funny Quotes.

Boost is the secret of my energy. Then why are you revealing it to me.

If you can’t convince, CONFUSE.

If you want breakfast in the bed, sleep in the kitchen.

In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar (raised structure).
Since then, weddings have been held here.
And times haven’t changed at all!

My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.

May God give a friend like you to everyone…
Why should I suffer alone?

Love your neighbor, but don’t get caught.

What do I do when I see someone gorgeous, attractive, and cute? I stare, I smile and when I get tired, I put the mirror down.

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.

Hard work never kills. But why take a chance.

One for all and all for me.

God, if you can’t make me skinny, please make my friends fat.

I’m not antisocial, the society is anti me.

A cigarette shortens your life by 2 minutes.
A beer shortens your life by 4 minutes.
A working day shortens your life by 8 hours.

I am Nobody. Nobody I perfect. So I am perfect.

Three fastest ways of communication:
a) Telephone b) Television c) Tell-a-woman.

DIET means Dare I Eat That.

About the toilet, Men don’t care, They can take a leak anywhere.

I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

I think drinking and driving is terrible. You always spill it when you change gears.

Funny Quotes by Navjot Singh Sidhu.

That ball went so high it could have got an air hostess down with it.

There is light at the end of the tunnel for India, but it’s that of an incoming train which will run them over.

Experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are bald.

This quote was made after Ganguly called Dravid for a run and midway sent him back and Dravid was run out in the third test against the West Indies at Barbados.
”Ganguly has thrown a drowning man both ends of the rope.”

Sri Lankan score is running like an Indian taximeter.

Wickets are like wives – you never know which way they will turn!

He is like Indian three-wheeler, which will suck a lot of diesel but cannot go beyond 30!

The ball whizzes past like a bumble -bee and the Indians are in the sea.

The Indians are finding the gaps like a pin in a haystack.

Deep Dasgupta is as confused as a child is in a topless bar!

The way Indian wickets are falling reminds of the cycle stand at Rajendra Talkies in Patiala one falls and everything else falls!

Indian team without Sachin is like giving Kiss without a Squeeze.

You cannot make Omelets without breaking the eggs.

Deep Dasgupta is not a Wicket Keeper, he is a goalkeeper. He must be given a free transfer to Manchester United.

One, who doesn’t throw the dice, can never expect to score a six.

Anybody can pilot a ship when the sea is calm.

Nobody travels on the road to success without a puncture or two.

You got to choose between tightening your belt or losing your pants.

The cat with gloves catches no mice.

Age has been perfect fire extinguisher for flaming youth.

Kumble’s bowling at the moment is flat as a Dosa.

The third umpires should be changed as often as nappies and for the same reason.

Funny Quotes.

A rolling stone gathers no moss. But the rolling stone does not care; It is momentum that it wants to gather.
Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.
Before, man ‘yearns’ for the woman he loves. After marriage, the ‘y’ becomes silent.
I must confess. I was born at a very early age.
They call our language the mother tongue as father seldom speaks.
A woman has the last word in an argument. Anything a man says after that, is the beginning of a new argument.
Is there another word for synonym?
In order to get a loan you first need to prove that you don’t need it.
Where there’s a will, there are five hundred relatives.
An apple a day keeps a doctor away; But if the doctor is cute, keep the apple away.

Funny Quotes.

To err is human, to forgive is not company policy.

Good people just never got caught.

A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.

Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

I don’t have a license to kill. I have a learner’s permit.

How does Teflon stick to the pan?

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

I’ve a Teflon Brain. Nothing sticks.

Celibacy is not hereditary.

No one has ever complained of a parachute not opening.

The average man will spend about 145 days of this life shaving.

The names of all the continents end with the letter they start with.

Coffee, tea or me?

The girl had as many curves as a scenic railway.

Q: Forward I am heavy, backwards I am not. What am I?
A: Ton.

Gravity doesn’t exist; the earth sucks.

On your mark, get set, go away!

It is not what a teenager knows that bothers his parents, it is how he found out.

If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success.

Can once in a lifetime happen twice?

Q: You use a knife to slice my head, and weep beside me when I am dead. What am I?
A: An Onion.

Reality is the only obstacle to happiness.

To be sure of hitting the target in your life, Shoot first, and whatever you hit, call it the target.

I think I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not sure.

We turn to God for help when our foundations are shaking, only to learn that it is God who is shaking them.

Originality is the art of concealing sources.

If boy laughs, He is MANNERLESS,
If girl does so, she is JOLLY.

If a boy talks too much, he is CHATTERBOX,
If a girl does so she is WITTY.

If boy loves silence, he is DULL,
If a girl loves it, she is SERIOUS.

If boy looks at a girl, he STARES,
If a girl looks at a boy, she gives GLANCE.

If a boy wears a unique dress, he is a JOKER,
If a girl does so, it’s a FASHION.

If boys move together, they form a GANG,
If girls do so, they form a GROUP.

If a boy initiates a conversation, he is FLIRTING,
If girl does so, she is INTERESTED.

Funny Quotes.

If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

For every action, good or bad, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

The best years of a woman’s life are the ten years between thirty and thirty one.

Telling a Lie is a Fault for a Little Boy, an Art for a Lover, an Accomplishment for a Bachelor and for a Married Man it is a matter of Survival.

Only 20% boys have brains. Rest have girlfriends.

Drive carefully – 90% of people on the road are caused by accident!

‘Inside every fat man is a thin man frantically trying to get out but outside every thin girl is a fat man frantically trying to get in!’

Trust me, I’m a lawyer.

If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you’re really good, you’ll get out of it.

A husband is what’s left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

You should never wear your best trousers when you go out to fight for freedom and truth.

Money is the fruit of evil as often as the root of it.

Intuition is reason in a hurry.

A husband should always know what is the matter with his wife, for she always knows what is not.

If we all said to people’s faces what we say behind each other’s backs, society would be impossible.

When he said we were trying to make a fool of him, I could only murmur that the Creator had beat us to it.

It is always the best policy to speak the truth, unless of course you are an exceptionally good liar.

If the laws could speak for themselves, they would complain of the lawyers in the first place.

The good die young – because they see it’s no use living if you are good.

Peace: in international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.

You are not permitted to kill a woman who has injured you, but nothing forbids you to reflect that she is growing older every minute.

All tragedies are finished by death; all comedies are ended by a marriage.

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children, and no theories.

He must have had a magnificent build before his stomach went in for a career of its own.

To be good is noble, but to teach others how to be good is nobler – and less trouble.

Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?

She not only expects the worst, but makes the worst of it when it happens.

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

Lover never dies of starvation, but often of indigestion.

A rolling stone gathers no moss, but it gains a certain polish.

A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s; she changes it more often.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

“When I was young I used to think that money was the most important think in life. Now that I am old, I know it is.”

She had penetrating sort of laugh. Rather like a train going into a tunnel.

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.

The honeymoon is over when she starts wondering what happened to the man she married and he starts wondering what happened to the girl he didn’t.

When a woman lowers her voice, it’s a sign she wants something; when she raises it, it’s a sign she didn’t get it.

Brigands (Mafia) demand your money or your life; women require both.

‘Home, Sweet Home’ must surely have been written by a bachelor.

It takes one woman twenty years to make a man of her son, and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him.

Soft, sweet things with a lot of fancy dressing – that’s what a little boy loves to eat and a grown man prefers to marry.

When a girl marries she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one.

If a little knowledge is dangerous, where is the man who has so much as to be out of danger?

‘Be yourself!’ is about the worst advice you can give to some people.

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more.

I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.

If the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.

I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter.