Category Archives: Humor – Fun

Jokes Hindi.

Santa: Mujhe phone par dhamkiyan mil rahi hai.
Police: Kaun hai who?
Santa: BSNL wale bolte hai bill na bhara to kaat denge.
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Munna: Circuit yaar ye barish ke waqt bijli kyu chamakti hai?
Circuit: Bhai bole to upar wala torch maar ke dekhta hoega ki kahi sala Sukha to nahi reh gaya.
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Wife: Kal raat tum neend main mujhe gaaliya de rahe the.
Husband: Tumhe galat fehmi hui hai.
Wife: Kaisi galat fehmi?
Husband: Yehi ke main soya hua tha!
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Baap: Beta is bar tujhe exam me 90% lana hai.
Beta: Nahi dad, mai to is bar 100% launga.
Baap: Kya mazak kar rahe ho?
Beta: Shuru kisne kiya tha?
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Teacher: A for?
Chintu: Apple.
Teacher: Jor se bolo?
Chintu: Jay mata di.
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Sardar to doctor: Poore jism me kahin bhi ungli lagao toh bahut dard hota hai.
Doctor suggested full body Xray, when doctor checked Xray report he found fracture in ungli.
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Rahul Gandhi: Mom apki vajah se meri shadi nahi ho rahi…
Sonia Gandhi: Kyon?
Rahul: Har taraf likha hai ‘Sonia ko BAHU MAT do.’
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Sir: Bacho Kasam Khao Ki Sharab, cigarette, jua or ladkiyon ko nahin chuoge! Des ke liye jaan de doge!
Bachhe: De denge Sir, aisi jindagi jikar kya karenge.
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1000 pages ki book kitne din me padh sakte ho?
Writer: 6 months.
Doctor: 2 months.
Lawyer: 1 month.
Student: Pehle ye batao ki exam kab hai.
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Mannoo read the graffiti on the wall, ‘Padne wala gadha.’ He thought for an hour, erased it and wrote back, ‘Likhne wala gadha.’
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Doctor: Aap ka aur aapki biwi ka blood group ek hi hai?
Husband: Hoga, zarur hoga; 25 saal se mera khoon jo pee rahi hai.
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Ram – Ye phulon ki mala kyun?
Doctor – Ye mera pehla operation hai, successful hua toh mere liye, nahi to tumhare liye!
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At a cricket ground:
Guard: Match to ho gayi, ab khun baithe ho?
Santa: No problem, highlights dekhunga.
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Gullu: Tu hamesha foreign channels kyu dekhta hai?
Santa: Kuch bijli unki bhi kharch hone do!
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Funny Meanings and Definitions.

Abdicate:
To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.


Advice:
What we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we hadn’t.


Age:
A high price to pay for maturity.


Atom Bomb:
An invention to end all inventions.


Bookstore:
One of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.


Boss:
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.


Celebrity:
One who is known to many persons he is glad he doesn’t know.


Classic:
A book which people praise, but do not read.


Committee:
Individuals who can do nothing individually, sit to decide that nothing can be done together.


Conclusion:
The place you reach when you’re tired of thinking.


Dictionary:
The only place where divorce comes before marriage.


DIET:
Dare I Eat That.


Diplomacy:
Art of saying, ‘Nice doggie!’… till you can find a rock.


Diplomat:
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.


Disappointment:
Receiving no ‘likes’ on a witty status update.


Doctor:
A person who kills your ills by pills, and later kills you with his bills.


Employer:
One who is looking for men between the ages of 25 and 30 with 40 years of experience.


Etc:
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.


Experience:
That marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.


Father:
A banker provided by nature.


Fruit:
A vegetable with looks and money.


Girlfriend:
Someone who will stand by you through all the troubles that you wouldn’t have had if you had stayed single.


Greeting card:
When you care enough to send the very best but not enough to actually write something.


Heaven: American salary, British home, Chinese food, German car, Indian wife.
Hell: American wife, British food, Chinese car, German home, Indian salary.


Husband:
What’s left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.


It is in the process:
It is so wrapped up in red tape that the situation is about hopeless.


IT Professional:
One who is paid for uploading such Posts and Articles!


Jury:
Twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.


Life:
What happens when you’re not watching TV.


Marriage:
First chapter in Poetry and remaining in Prose.
A very expensive way to get the laundry done.
It’s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelors degree and woman gains her masters.


Opera:
When a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.


Opportunist:
One who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.


Peace:
In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.


Pessimist:
Somebody who complains about the noise when opportunity knocks.


Politician:
One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.


Psychiatrist:
A fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.
The next person you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.


Queen:
Someone who is never late. Everyone else is simply early.


Racing:
The art of turning left in a car for 4 hours.


Retirement:
Twice as much husband and half as much money.


Rumour:
News that travels more than the speed of sound.


Savings:
A very fine thing especially when your parents have done it for you.


Smile:
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.


Tears:
The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine water power.


Test results were extremely gratifying:
We are so surprised that the stupid thing works.


The entire concept will have to be abandoned:
The only person who understood the thing quit.


Ultimatum:
A last demand before resorting to concessions.


Vegetarian:
An old Indian (Native American) word meaning “lousy hunter”.


Woman:
Most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!


X-ray:
An image often used by persons interested in becoming bone models.


Yawn:
It’s the only time when some married men ever get to open their mouth.


Funny Quotes.

A rolling stone gathers no moss. But the rolling stone does not care; It is momentum that it wants to gather.
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Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.
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Before, man ‘yearns’ for the woman he loves. After marriage, the ‘y’ becomes silent.
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I must confess. I was born at a very early age.
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They call our language the mother tongue as father seldom speaks.
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A woman has the last word in an argument. Anything a man says after that, is the beginning of a new argument.
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Is there another word for synonym?
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In order to get a loan you first need to prove that you don’t need it.
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Where there’s a will, there are five hundred relatives.
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An apple a day keeps a doctor away; But if the doctor is cute, keep the apple away.
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Funny Quotes.

To err is human, to forgive is not company policy.


Good people just never got caught.


A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.


Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.


I don’t have a license to kill. I have a learner’s permit.


How does Teflon stick to the pan?


How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?


I’ve a Teflon Brain. Nothing sticks.


Celibacy is not hereditary.


No one has ever complained of a parachute not opening.


The average man will spend about 145 days of this life shaving.


The names of all the continents end with the letter they start with.


Coffee, tea or me?


The girl had as many curves as a scenic railway.


Q: Forward I am heavy, backwards I am not. What am I?
A: Ton.


Gravity doesn’t exist; the earth sucks.


On your mark, get set, go away!


It is not what a teenager knows that bothers his parents, it is how he found out.


If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success.


Can once in a lifetime happen twice?


Q: You use a knife to slice my head, and weep beside me when I am dead. What am I?
A: An Onion.


Reality is the only obstacle to happiness.


To be sure of hitting the target in your life, Shoot first, and whatever you hit, call it the target.


I think I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not sure.


We turn to God for help when our foundations are shaking, only to learn that it is God who is shaking them.


Originality is the art of concealing sources.


If boy laughs, He is MANNERLESS,
If girl does so, she is JOLLY.

If a boy talks too much, he is CHATTERBOX,
If a girl does so she is WITTY.

If boy loves silence, he is DULL,
If a girl loves it, she is SERIOUS.

If boy looks at a girl, he STARES,
If a girl looks at a boy, she gives GLANCE.

If a boy wears a unique dress, he is a JOKER,
If a girl does so, it’s a FASHION.

If boys move together, they form a GANG,
If girls do so, they form a GROUP.

If a boy initiates a conversation, he is FLIRTING,
If girl does so, she is INTERESTED.















Funny Quotes.

If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.


For every action, good or bad, there is an equal and opposite criticism.


A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.


The best years of a woman’s life are the ten years between thirty and thirty one.


Telling a Lie is a Fault for a Little Boy, an Art for a Lover, an Accomplishment for a Bachelor and for a Married Man it is a matter of Survival.


Only 20% boys have brains. Rest have girlfriends.


Drive carefully – 90% of people on the road are caused by accident!


‘Inside every fat man is a thin man frantically trying to get out but outside every thin girl is a fat man frantically trying to get in!’


Trust me, I’m a lawyer.


If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you’re really good, you’ll get out of it.


A husband is what’s left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.


When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.


You should never wear your best trousers when you go out to fight for freedom and truth.


Money is the fruit of evil as often as the root of it.


Intuition is reason in a hurry.


A husband should always know what is the matter with his wife, for she always knows what is not.


If we all said to people’s faces what we say behind each other’s backs, society would be impossible.


When he said we were trying to make a fool of him, I could only murmur that the Creator had beat us to it.


It is always the best policy to speak the truth, unless of course you are an exceptionally good liar.


If the laws could speak for themselves, they would complain of the lawyers in the first place.


The good die young – because they see it’s no use living if you are good.


Peace: in international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.


You are not permitted to kill a woman who has injured you, but nothing forbids you to reflect that she is growing older every minute.


All tragedies are finished by death; all comedies are ended by a marriage.


Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children, and no theories.


He must have had a magnificent build before his stomach went in for a career of its own.


To be good is noble, but to teach others how to be good is nobler – and less trouble.


Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?


She not only expects the worst, but makes the worst of it when it happens.


A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.


Lover never dies of starvation, but often of indigestion.


A rolling stone gathers no moss, but it gains a certain polish.


A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s; she changes it more often.


Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.


“When I was young I used to think that money was the most important think in life. Now that I am old, I know it is.”


She had penetrating sort of laugh. Rather like a train going into a tunnel.


I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.


The honeymoon is over when she starts wondering what happened to the man she married and he starts wondering what happened to the girl he didn’t.


When a woman lowers her voice, it’s a sign she wants something; when she raises it, it’s a sign she didn’t get it.


Brigands (Mafia) demand your money or your life; women require both.


‘Home, Sweet Home’ must surely have been written by a bachelor.


It takes one woman twenty years to make a man of her son, and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him.


Soft, sweet things with a lot of fancy dressing – that’s what a little boy loves to eat and a grown man prefers to marry.


When a girl marries she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one.


If a little knowledge is dangerous, where is the man who has so much as to be out of danger?


‘Be yourself!’ is about the worst advice you can give to some people.


My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more.


I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.


If the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.


I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter.


Jokes

1st man: My neighbors were screaming and yelling at 3 o’clock this morning.
2nd man: Did they wake you up?
1st man: Nah. I was awake, playing my bagpipes.
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Psychiatrist to patient: If these pills don’t stop the kleptomania (habit of stealing), try and get me a nice video camera.
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Santa and Banta visit a museum.
Santa: This painting is 500 years and 20 days old.
Banta: Amazing! Where did you get this exact information?
Santa: I was here 20 days ago. That day the guide told me that the painting was 500 years old.
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You looked good from far… now you are far from looking good.
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Q: If the devil runs away with your wife, what would you do?
A: If the Devil has committed the mistake, let him face the consequences.
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Manager: Sorry, but I can’t give you a job. I don’t have any more work.
Santa: That’s all right, Sir. In fact, I’m just the right person in this case. You see, I won’t ask you to give me work anyway!
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Jokes

Wife was running after a garbage truck, “Am I too late for the garbage?”
Hubby following her yelled, “Not yet. Jump in.”
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Man throws Rs.100 into a cage by thinking it’s ‘fine’.
Reason: Do not feed, Rs.100 fine!
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Why did the teacher wear sunglasses to school?
A: She had a bright student.
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For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
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I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
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There are 3 sides to an argument. Your side, my side and the right side.
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She’s the kind of girl who doesn’t care for a man’s company – unless he owns it.
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Santa: You look just like my 3rd wife.
Lady: How many wives do you have?
Santa: 2.
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Mosquito: Can I go to the theatre?
Mom: Yes, but beware of the applause.
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Diner: I can’t eat such a rotten chicken. Call the manager.
Waiter: No use sir. He won’t eat it either.
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Jokes

Parents to a College watchman: Is this college good…?
Watchman: Probably the best because I did my graduation here and got immediate placement!
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Santa: Why didn’t you marry?
Banta: I was searching for an ideal match.
Santa: So, you didn’t find an ideal girl?
Banta: I found one.
Santa: Then?
Banta: She was also searching for an ideal match.
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Banta: I’ll never marry in my life and not even let my kids do so.
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Tom: What is the longest sentence you can think of?
Ben: Life imprisonment!
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Two men meet while looking for their lost wives.
First: How does your wife look?
Second: She’s 36-24-36 and fair. What about yours?
First: Forget mine, let’s find yours!
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Teacher: If you had Rs.1000 in one pocket and Rs.1000 in the other, what would you think?
Santa: Whose pant it is?
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When I was born they fired a 21 gun salute…
Too bad they missed.
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Teacher to Hari: Why are you late?
Hari: There was a man who lost a Rs.100 note.
Teacher: That’s nice. Where you helping him look for it?
Hari: No, I was standing on it.
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What’s the difference between magnets and women?
A: Magnets have a positive side.
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Has there been any insanity in your family?
Yes doc, my hubby thinks he’s the boss.
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Jokes

Son: Dad, what is meaning of an idiot?
Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can hardly understand anything. Do you understand me?
Son: No.
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I married my wife for her looks… But not the ones she’s been giving me lately.
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Man said to God: Why did you make women so beautiful?
God to man: So that you will love them.
Man to God: But why did you make them so dumb?
God to man: So that they will love you.
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I pretend to work here – they pretend to pay me.
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Teacher: Correct the sentence, “A bull and a cow is grazing in the field.”
Student: A cow and a bull is grazing in the field.
Teacher: Why?
Student: Ladies first.
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Man: I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for office, what about you?
Friend: Me too, after you leave.
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I love to give homemade gifts. Which one of my kids do you want?
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Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so.
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Have a nice day, somewhere else.
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A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
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Jokes

Teacher: Nick, what is the past participle of the verb “to ring”?
Nick: What do you think it is, sir?
Teacher: I don’t think, I KNOW!
Nick: I don’t think I know either, Sir!
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Girl to God: Thank you for all the blessings. I will not ask for anything for myself. Just give my parents a hot son-in-law.
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Teacher: Now class, whatever I ask, I want you to all answer at once. How much is six plus 4?
Class: At once!
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Sharon: Ever had a hot kiss?
Tracy: Yes, he’d forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.
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Teacher: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now, Louis, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?
Louis: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
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I look at the stars, the stars are beautiful. I look at you..I..I..I’d rather look at the stars again!
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A recently fired stock trader: This is worse than divorce… I have lost everything and I still have my wife.
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In which sport do winners move backwards and losers move forwards?
Tug-of-war.
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What’s an ig?
A snow house without a loo.
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A teacher asked one of his boys in her class, “Can people predict the future with cards?” His response was, “My mother can.”
The teacher replied, “Really?”
The boy quickly explained, “Yes, she takes one look at my report card and tells me what will happen when my father gets home.”
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