Funny Quotes.

To err is human, to forgive is not company policy.


Good people just never got caught.


A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.


Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.


I don’t have a license to kill. I have a learner’s permit.


How does Teflon stick to the pan?


How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?


I’ve a Teflon Brain. Nothing sticks.


Celibacy is not hereditary.


No one has ever complained of a parachute not opening.


The average man will spend about 145 days of this life shaving.


The names of all the continents end with the letter they start with.


Coffee, tea or me?


The girl had as many curves as a scenic railway.


Q: Forward I am heavy, backwards I am not. What am I?
A: Ton.


Gravity doesn’t exist; the earth sucks.


On your mark, get set, go away!


It is not what a teenager knows that bothers his parents, it is how he found out.


If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success.


Can once in a lifetime happen twice?


Q: You use a knife to slice my head, and weep beside me when I am dead. What am I?
A: An Onion.


Reality is the only obstacle to happiness.


To be sure of hitting the target in your life, Shoot first, and whatever you hit, call it the target.


I think I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not sure.


We turn to God for help when our foundations are shaking, only to learn that it is God who is shaking them.


Originality is the art of concealing sources.


If boy laughs, He is MANNERLESS,
If girl does so, she is JOLLY.

If a boy talks too much, he is CHATTERBOX,
If a girl does so she is WITTY.

If boy loves silence, he is DULL,
If a girl loves it, she is SERIOUS.

If boy looks at a girl, he STARES,
If a girl looks at a boy, she gives GLANCE.

If a boy wears a unique dress, he is a JOKER,
If a girl does so, it’s a FASHION.

If boys move together, they form a GANG,
If girls do so, they form a GROUP.

If a boy initiates a conversation, he is FLIRTING,
If girl does so, she is INTERESTED.