Funny Quotes.

I want patience – AND I WANT IT NOW!


Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?


I am not sincere, even when I say I am not.


It is always the best policy to speak the truth – unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar.


I used to not finish sentences, but now I.


If you can’t make it good, at least make it look good.


Lady who lives in glass house, dress in basement.


Why are there five syllables in ‘monosyllabic’?


It’s better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.


My father taught me to work; he did not teach me to love it.


Here’s to woman! Would that we could fall into her arms without falling into her hands.


If you are afraid of loneliness do not marry.


Forgive me now – tomorrow I may no longer feel guilty.


God heals, and the doctor takes the fee.


If there were no bad people, there would be no good lawyers.


The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.


In marriage, as in war, it is permitted to take every advantage of the enemy.


The trouble with marriage is that, while every woman is at heart a mother, every man is at heart bachelor.


God gives us our relatives; thank God we can choose our friends.


The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.