Jokes

I thought you were trying to get into shape?
I am. The shape I’ve selected is a circle.
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Question: Why is a woman’s mind cleaner than a man’s?
Answer: She changes it more often!
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Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the manager’s office.
“What is the meaning of this?” the manager asked. “When you applied for the job, you said you had 5 years experience. Now we discover this is the first job you’ve ever had.”
“Well,” the young man said, “In your ad you said you wanted somebody with imagination.”
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Interviewer: Which post do you want after joining our company?
Candidate: Any post in an interview board.
Interviewer: What! Are you mad?
Candidate: Is it a pre-requisite?
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“Hurry!” the doctor commanded his teenage daughter, “put my stethoscope and medicine box in my cat. That was an emergency call from someone who says he will die, if I do not turn up immediately.”
“Papa, that call was not for you but for me,” replied the daughter saucily.
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A doctor got a call from a very excited woman, “My son just swallowed the aspirins, what shall I do?”
He replied, “Give him a headache, what else?”
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Doctor: “You’re over a month late for your appointment. Don’t you know that nervous disorders require prompt attention?”
Patient: “I was just following your orders, doc.”
Doctor: “What are you talking about? I gave you no such order.”
Patient: “You told me to avoid people who irritate me.”
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A contractor went to the owner of the property and said, “This week I received Rs 500 less pay than we agreed on.”
“I know,” the owner said. “But last week I overpaid you Rs 500 and you never complained.”
The contractor said, “Well, I don’t mind an occasional mistake, But if it becomes a habit, I feel I have to call it to your attention.”
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A carpenter said to the building site engineer, “someone dropped a trowel from above which sliced off my ear!” A search party found the ear. “No, that’s not it,” said the carpenter, “Mine had a pencil behind it!”
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A guy walks into the HR department of a large company and hands his application to an executive. The executive goes through it and says, “Your work history is terrible. You’ve been fired from every job.” The guy says, “Hey, at least, I’m not a quitter.”
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