1st man: My neighbors were screaming and yelling at 3 o’clock this morning.
2nd man: Did they wake you up?
1st man: Nah. I was awake, playing my bagpipes.
Psychiatrist to patient: If these pills don’t stop the kleptomania (habit of stealing), try and get me a nice video camera.
Santa and Banta visit a museum.
Santa: This painting is 500 years and 20 days old.
Banta: Amazing! Where did you get this exact information?
Santa: I was here 20 days ago. That day the guide told me that the painting was 500 years old.
You looked good from far… now you are far from looking good.
Q: If the devil runs away with your wife, what would you do?
A: If the Devil has committed the mistake, let him face the consequences.
Manager: Sorry, but I can’t give you a job. I don’t have any more work.
Santa: That’s all right, Sir. In fact, I’m just the right person in this case. You see, I won’t ask you to give me work anyway!