Jokes

A man professed his desire to become a great writer in his youth. When asked to define ‘great’ he said, “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, howl in pain and anger!” He now works for a software company, writing error messages.
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Teacher: What is more important to us, the sun or the moon?
Pupil: The moon.
Teacher: Why?
Pupil: The moon gives us light when we need it, but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don’t need it.
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John: “The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks.”
James: “And did he?”
John: “Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill.”
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A woman told her husband, “I dreamt that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine’s Day. What do you think it means?” “You’ll know tonight,” the husband replied. That evening, he came home with a small package. Delighted, she opened it and found a book titled ‘The Meaning of Dreams’.
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At a jewellery store, a young man bought an expensive ring to gift his girlfriend. “Don’t you want her name engraved on it?” asked the jeweler. The young man thought for a moment and replied, “Just engrave: To my one and only one love. That way, if we break up and she throws it back at me in anger, I can use it again.”
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Two elderly ladies were discussing their husbands over tea. One of them said, “I wish my hubby would stop biting his nails. He makes me nervous.” The other woman said, “My Billy used to do the same thing, but I rid him of the habit.” “How?” asked the first lady, “What did you do?” The other lady said, “I hid his teeth.”
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Ever wondered why, in spite of the saying ‘never take your troubles to bed’, most people sleep with their wives?”
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From his death bed, the husband called his wife and said, “One month after I die, I want you to marry Mr. Drone.” “Mr. Drone! But he is your enemy,” said the wife. “Yes, I know that! I’ve suffered all these years, so let him suffer now.”
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Museum administrator: That’s a 500-year-old statue you have broken.
Visitor: Thank God! I was worried as I thought it was a new one.
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Wife: “Darling, you hate all my relatives.”
Husband: “No, I don’t hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine.”
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